Jan 19, 2011

How to: Prepare for Pirate Invasion


Step 1:

Secure the perimeter.
One must do everything possible to prevent the invaders from entering port.
If it should happen, at least be sure they pay hefty impound fines.
Step 2:

Gather provisions.
You will be outnumbered. And the invasion will last long into the night
(the clean-up, twice as long).
Thirst-quenching citrusy goodness will give you the power to
stay upright  for 10 hours on end, and find your way back to your car. 
Which is two miles inland.
And for which you paid $25.00. 

Step 3:

Create a safe haven.
(and know your "exit strategy")
The pirate krewes are relentless and will only stop pillaging when faced with sheer exhaustion. Or when the port-a-pottys fill up.
These little blue gems will provide much-needed refuge from the crowds 
and loosely-brassiered women, but find them early in the day
before they become... ...uuuhhh...
....well, just use 'em early! 

"Oh, no, Carla!! What happens if I can't do these things??"

Glad you asked.
Best thing you can do is...
...declare your alliance...

...and find yourself a seat with a view.

They're coming. And you can't stop them.

They officially take over on the 29th,
but far as I can tell, the invasion has already begun.

Safe pirating!

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