Full Disclosure: An invitation to the universe

Here's the idea: there are things I crave, things I long for, and those things are out there. So this is me, putting it out there, open arms, saying "here I am!"  

An open invitation to the universe to do its thing.

And in return, I can do my thing and possibly provide things for others that they crave, that they long for.


Without getting all New Age-ish or all spiritual like or whatever, I really do think this concept has its merits. We all want something and we all have something to give. If we're willing to express those needs, and offer something in return, we can all gain something.

And don't get me wrong, it's not necessarily that I'm asking that all these things just fall into my lap. *Plop!*
But, let's be honest, that's how it works sometimes, right? An opportunity presents itself, just at the right time, exactly when we were just telling a friend how we wanted [insert a desire here]. And a short time later...

Poof! Someone mentions they're looking to hire.

Poof! A relative tells you they have a washer/dryer to get rid of, do you want it?

Poof! You win tickets to a play in a raffle.

Ya never know...

I originally saw this concept over at Unicorns for Socialism, written by the brilliant Alexandra Frazen. Her open invitation to the universe was actually the second-go-round for her, and turns out her first was rather fruitful too!


So, with a hopeful heart, here begins a list of what I wish:

• Win a trip to Paris via Oh Happy Day (ooohhh, wouldn't that be something?!)

• Have a tune-up on my bicycle (or get a new one) at an affordable price

• Go on a Mediterranean cruise with friend(s) in tow

• Find 5k motivator/ work-out buddy 

• Find a non-surgical solution to an excessive sweat problem (hey, it's a fact of life, no sense in hiding it) which doesn't involve slathering on copious amounts of (possibly toxic) metals & chemicals several times a day, which still only yield mild (if ANY) success

• Get a reeeeeally good massage, by a pro, and definitely over 60 minutes

• Earn enough $ (method yet to be determined) to not have to work in a cubicle/office all day

• Someone to teach me to bake a really good cake/tart/muffin/cupcake

• Someone to teach me to decorate said cake/tart/muffin/cupcake

• An mp3 player of some sort (bonus points for an awesome playlist) that I can use for runs

• Watch a Broadway musical. On Broadway. Already in my queue? Wicked, Lion King, Chicago,  Avenue Q (well, that last one's technically "off-Broadway")

• To find paying work/assignments where I can use my teaching skills

• Participate in a neat-o crafty venture/event for a good cause

• Receive a hand-written letter from someone. A friend. A stranger. Either way, it says something nice.

• And, to visit and explore any/all of these cities/places at minimal/no cost:

 NYC
 San Fran
 San Diego
 Chicago
 Key West
 Boulder
 Seattle
 Portland, OR
 Portland, ME
Costa Rica
Belize
Portugal
Seychelles
Spain

Whew! This is by no means an exhaustive list. But a girl can't get too greedy! Not yet anyway.
Selfish? Some might thing so. But not this girl!

(Some of) What I can offer in return:

• handmade goodies of the fabric-related variety
• the best damn flan you'll ever have (say goodbye to that crap they serve @ restaurants!)
• Home-made bread
• a day/lunch/evening of some sort of activity/adventure/conversation/food/drink/walk/whatevs... sometimes we all just need a buddy
• practice time for your spoken Spanish
• (very) basic lessons in sewing or related project
• help/tutoring in math-ish things
• typing services, because I'm a little dweeby like that
• some other thing or service that we haven't thought of yet

> exhales <

Alright, it's out there... let's hope for the best. Oh, yeah and what's on YOUR list? What invitation are YOU sending out to the universe?

Full Disclosure: It's not you, it's...

by Mary R. Voght

I know he never, ever, ever reads this blog, so I’m completely comfortable with what’s about to go down here. Prepare yourself, folks. This ain’t gonna be pretty (or brief).

I’m not in love, but I like him enough.

{"Wait, what?!" I know, I know…. if you’ve been reading along you probably thought I was hopelessly single. Read on.}

We’ve been seeing each other for about a year and a half now.  When we met, it wasn’t exactly puppy dogs and ice cream between us. But the timing was just right. We didn't dislike each other but we've never been head-over-heels, butterfly-in-the-stomach lovey-dovey with each other.  Well, maybe he was with me. I don’t know. I do know:

-We don’t have fun together. 

Sometimes we do, but most of the time he aggravates the #*&$ out of me. But there are good moments, and there's not really bad moments (ever), just blah. All the time.

-I don’t care if I don’t see him. 

Even if a week goes by. Most of the time, I don’t even look forward to it. Not because I anticipate we’ll have a bad time, just because I could find something else to do. I don’t care to show up on time for our dates, and I’m always happy if the evening ends early. 

-He’s uninspiring.  

And  a little boring for my taste.  I don’t think wanting a decent, entertaining, stimulating conversation with someone is too much to ask for. 

+He doesn’t make me want to be better.

It’s not that he doesn’t want me to grow or be happy, but I think for him, I’m exactly everything he needs. So I don’t have to do much else.  I don’t care to work-out to look even hotter, or cook to impress him, or 

surprise him or be romantic. Nope, no “extra mile” effort from me.

 

He’s not a bad guy. I guess this is the part where I should tell you what I actually like about him:

+He compliments me often. 

Bores the heck out of me, and I by no means want to marry-have kids-build a life with him, but he helps pass the time and does make me feel wanted.

+He bails me out with bills. 

He lets me get all the cake & ice cream I want and helps with groceries & gas money. And rent.

+He’ll humor me.

Lets me take a last minute trips, and I was able to get a nice little apartment in a great neighborhood because of him. He pretty much lets me do what I want, when I want. 

So I have to wonder, is there someone better suited for me?

Now, I know it’s not supposed to be perfect, and I know relationships aren’t fun all the time. I’ve thought about leaving him.  I don’t know when I’ll find someone else. I’ve tried the online sites, and I get no responses back. None. 

What if the next guy is even worse?! What if no one comes back around for months? Years? 

So, why stay with him? I don't expect perfection, but he just doesn’t do much for me.

I can’t think of any good reasons. 

 I deserve better, right?

Don’t we all deserve better?

Would you feel the same way if you knew I was talking about my job? 

Why do we continue to allow, accept, and even promote such unhealthy relationships with our jobs?! That’s just how it is, right? Your job isn’t supposed to make you happy. It’s alright if it’s just “good enough.” 

If it pays the bills. If it bores you to pieces.

It's not you, it's me.

I don’t think we should see each other anymore.

Someday, you’ll make someone very happy.

I'm sorry job, but I think it’s time I move on.

Full disclosure: "Love will find you out"

Have you got a minute? Make one. Set aside a few. You’ll need them. I had to share what might very well be one of the most painfully beautiful things I have ever read. Here’s a glimpse:

“…Go ahead, be disappointed.
Nothing turned out how you hoped.
Sit under a tree and tell me the whole of it
and I won’t say a word.
I won’t say a single word…”

It’s a journal entry by Jen Lemen who has quickly drawn me in with her words in an incredibly unexpected way.

Read the entire piece, Love will find you out,  here.

By the way, I found the piece through Kind Over Matter. What a lovely little space of feel-good-ness!

Go check her out. You’ll feel better.

Why is this full disclosure? Because I'm pretty sure she's talking to me.

Full disclosure: Superior inferiority

Here's a bit of news: I'm not you.

I know, right?!?! I was shocked too!

It should be obvious that I'm not you but I still have to remind myself  every now and then. Sometimes I'm a little surprised by it.  Um, maybe surprised  isn't the best word. Maybe...

Disappointed.

Yup, that's probably more accurate.

{whisper whisper whisper}

What's that you say?
Yes you're right, I am super-duper awesome!

So why the disappointment?

You see, some of the things that seem to make so many of you pretty darn cool are the things that I don't have. They're the things you're most proud of, the things that you want to scream to the world. So the easiest and shortest logical connection in my little pea brain goes like this:

I think you're awesome

you have {blank}

I don't have {blank}

so I must not be awesome.

{Use your circus announcer voice for this next part.}

"Laaaaaaadies and gentlemen! Step right up, and see Carla, the amazing illogical thinker! Watch as she goes from fact to complete & absolute delusion, in just four quick steps!!"

Now, don't get me wrong, I always make the trip back to fact. Eventually. But it's exhausting!

I'm not a mom. I'm not a student. I'm not a wife. I'm not a devoted church-goer. I'm not a girlfriend.  I'm not a whatever (photographer, designer, consultant, writer, painter, nurse, teacher, etc).  I don't have play dates or dinner parties. Heck, I don't have dates at all!  I haven't hiked Mt. Fuji or skied in Colorado. I don't have a backyard to garden or a home of my own to decorate.

Turns out one of the things I'm really, really good at....
....is making myself feel really, really bad.

If I were a superhero and that were my superpower, what would my name be?  Buzz-kill Girl? I'd fly around spreading doubt and insecurities world wide!

"Gee, Carla, you really ARE a buzz-kill! Do you have anything nice to say today?"

Yes, I do. Thing is, even with all of these things that I'm not I do still think I'm pretty rad. (Yup, I said it. Let's bring "rad" back.).

So I'm gonna keep reminding myself of that. Over and over again. To the point of exhaustion. And some days, I might need reminders.

So that really cute tee you made for your son? Guess I'll make one for my niece.
Those pics you took of you & hubby at the park? Maybe I'll go for a walk & make some furry friends.
That trip to Paris you remember so fondly? My trip to the fabric store two blocks down wasn't half bad.

It's a work in progress. But it's mine.

Full disclosure: Secret Crush

source

 Alright, I have to admit it... I've got a crush!

Well, several really. And they're nothing new, but a conversation this weekend encouraged me to blurt them out the world. Maybe it's not healthy to keep 'em all bottled up inside. Or at least, that's what my friend V would have me believe. (Eh. What does he know, right?! :-)

So, in no particular order, and even if I'm a little ashamed of most of them, I present, my secret crushes.



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 Common, the hip hop artist & actor.  I mean, really! The man's sooo adorably handsome!

How could you NOT like him?

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Bumblebee, the transformer.

And no, not the car. I mean the "guy" version of Bumblebee.

*hangs head in shame*

I can't explain it. I won't even try.

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 Cops who direct traffic.

Well, maybe not that first guy,

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 but definitely this guy! (How dapper!)

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War Machine. Actually, that one is equal parts:

 War Machine (ooohh the suit! And the attitute!),

Don Cheadle (the human),

and Rhody* (the character).

*and not the Terrance Howard version of Rhody. 

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Dean & Deluca, the store. All of it.

Special love for the cookie section.

No explanation needed.

I'm not always proud of it folks, but there they are! Well, truth be told, there are a few other crushes lying around too, but those will stay secret.